EPITAPH FOR CHESTER CHARLES BENNINGTON

Scream like the Devil, Sing like an Angel – Chester Charles Bennington.

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I was Talking To Myself because I was Invisible and I felt Nobody Can Save Me. All this time, I tried Breaking The Habit because I wanted to know that I had Somewhere I Belong. Feeling Numb and Heavy, the Sharp Edges From The Inside made me Bleed It Out. I keep searching for A Place For My Head, and wait for A Light That Never Comes. I had a dream about a Castle of Glass, and In The End, it was beautiful and Iridescent. I present to you my Final Masquerade and Leave Out All The Rest because I can’t take any more Lying From You. I’m Sorry For Now because even though you were Halfway Right, I’ve Given Up on us. Take One Step Closer and see What I’ve Done. Until It’s Gone, The Shadow Of The Day is The Catalyst driving this Battle Symphony to a Good Goodbye. I’m Lost In The Echo of the New Divide. I listened to Papercut and a Faint memory began Crawling inside me.

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All this sadness and depression, some day just not today, I will Burn It Down, Waiting For The End. Because after all, who cares if One More Light goes out?

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NOCTURNAL ANIMALS

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They say that the Heart gets what the Heart needs. But that statement only applies when one is happy or dating the person they think they are gonna spend their whole life with. When these two people divorce, the love still remains. Only this time, it’s usually a little love, mixed with regret and fear of reconciliation. Also, a little lust full of irreplacable memories.

Edward and Iris had been dating since they were in graduate school. And Iris had gone ahead and married Edward against her mother’s will. Now she wondered if her mother had been right all along when she told her time and again that she was not the marriage type. Also, how would things have turned out if she had just continued to date Edward and not commit to marriage? After all, she hated commitments.

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The past is unchangeable, so let’s just focus on the future, shall we? After twenty years of been divorced and not speaking a single word to each other, Edward sends Iris a manuscript novel that he has written and dedicated to her. When they were still together, Edward has told Iris about his new interest in writing novels. But she had dismissed him saying he had a childish mind that did not match up to the creativity needed in writers. When Iris receives the manuscript, she is washed over by the tender memories she still held on to about Edward. They had had some good times, she couldn’t deny that. And the Sex was always amazing. It’s always about the Sex anyway, isn’t it?

So here is Edwards’s story according to the manuscript he wrote in detail. . .

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No one likes moving out of a home that they have lived in for so long. But sometimes, circumstances push us to the limit. Moving out of one town to another means leaving your friends behind, changing schools, and having to adapt to a new environment which is never easy. They say change is good, but no one wants to adapt to it.

This is the story of one such family that had to move but never quite got the chance to adapt to the change. They were moving because Edward, (the father) had found a new job as a lecturer in another town and it was better paying than his current job.

“Dad! Why do we have to move again? How I’m I going to survive without all my friends? This is so unfair.”

“I’m sorry Mitch(the daughter). If it was up to me, we wouldn’t have to move. But I think you should be happier for me, for all of us that we are having a new start.”

“New start for you dad, not me. Mom, a little help here?”

“He’s right hun. We all need these. Now please go and finish packing your stuff or we’ll get there so late.”

Mitch went up to her room and packed her remaining teddy bear’s and shoes and books as she cussed and complained. How could this be happening to her when she had just started feeling like she fit in with her new friends at her school.

“Mitch!! C’mon. We are gonna be so late. What are you still doing?”

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She looked around her bedroom one last time as she shut the door. Down the stairs she went and she put her suitcases inside the boot of her father’s car. Liv, (the mother) locked the door to their house and they all entered inside the car. She put up the ‘For Sale’ sign board on the front porch and entered the front seat as Mitch took the back seat.

On their way, Mitch kept complaining about how her life was going to be so boring now that they were moving away.

“Mitch, you’ve been on your phone since we left. Give it a rest and enjoy the scenery.” Said her dad.

“Easy for you to say dad. You are not the one that’s having to leave their whole life behind. and what do yo know, I can’t get a damn signal here. This is gonna suck!”

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“I’ve got a little red bow,

And I bought it for you,

‘Cause I know you’re not fair,

I don’t get it, oh well,

And you color my skin,

And the colors don’t blend,

‘Cause I’m gonna get you,

And your little dog too,

There’s a yellow brick road,

That we follow back home,

‘Cause I know you can’t wait,

Your belligerent hate,

There’s no place like home,

There’s no place like home…” 

Home by Breaking Benjamin was playing on the car stereo.

It was getting late fast and they still had a couple of miles to cover. Edward didn’t feel safe travelling so late with his family and all their luggage so he let his wife and daughter know that they’d have to look for a place to sleep for the night. Then set off early the next morning.

Since they were in a new town, he slowed down his speed to 40 kmph so that it would be easy to spot a motel. Both his wife and daughter had already fallen asleep. A few metres ahead, he noticed the bright headlights of another car beside the road. He slowed down so that he could check if they needed any help and also he’d enquire on where to get a motel from them.

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The moment he stopped the car, his wife stirred in her sleep but he asked her to go back to sleep.  He got out of his car and walked towards the other car. They had the bonnet pulled up so he had to walk till the front of the car to speak to whoever was behind it. He noticed two guys leaning over the vehicle, while the other two smoked their cigarettes and cracked funny jokes at each other as they punched each other playfully.

“Good Evening lads. Sorry to bother the lot of you but I am new in this town and I was wondering if you would be so kind as to direct me where I can find a motel for me and my family to put up for the night.”

“Well, good evening to you too. What is a guy like you doing out so late with his family?” Asked Reggie who looked like the leader of the group.

“Just had a long journey and it got so late before we got to where we were going. If you would just be so kind as to direct us, we’ll be on our way Sir.”

“Sure! Why not? But as you can see, we are having car trouble so you’ll have to be a bit patient till we get this fixed Mr…… I never quite caught your name sir.” Reggie retorted.

It was not really about what he said, but the way he said it that made Edward’s warning bells start ringing loudly in his ears. Even the two rednecks cracking jokes had gone silent.

“That’s because I never offered it. Look, if it’s too much trouble then I’ll be on my way. So sorry for bothering you.”

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Edward started walking back to his car, but the weirdest thing happened so fast he didn’t even get the chance to react. The two rednecks that had been smoking beside Reggie and his bozo partner blocked his way. He could see from behind them that his wife and daughter were now awake and were calling out to him. When he tried to move past the two dudes, they sidestepped him. He could smell trouble and he didn’t want to have to put his family thru a scene.

“What are you two fucks doing blocking the way for my dad? Let him pass you filthy swines!!” Mitch shouted.

It was those few words that set the Devil loose from his cage. Edward would have done anything to take those words back but his teenage daughter was in that stage where she said whatever was on her mind without filtering.

“What did you call us little missy?” One of the scumbags leaking of sweat and cheap liquor asked.

“Swines!” Mitch replied. “Why, you even smell like them.”

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This was getting out of control, fast. Edward was about to intervene when he felt something cold touch the side of his left temple. 

“What is this? A staged robbery?” He wondered aloud.

“Put the woman and the girl back into the car. Let’s see how brave they are without their knight.” Reggie said to the two rednecks.

They seemed to be used to follow his orders because they did what they were ordered to in less than a minute and without hesitation. Mitch was kicking her legs so hard while Liv tried scratching the guy pulling at her blouse. Edward knew they were fighters but he didn’t think they were any match for the two.

“Please leave my family alone. If its money you want, I’ll give it to you.”

“We don’t want your filthy money. We just want to have some fun and teach your women how to respect men. Especially the little one, she has a dirty mouth that one. And I just happen to like my women so.”Reggie shouted at Edward as he hit him with the butt of the Smith and Wesson gun that he had been holding in his right hand.

Edward collapsed down in a heap as blood flowed freely from the impact of the wound on the back of his head made by the butt of the gun. Reggie and his friends had been using the car trouble ruse for many years and it had always panned out well without any problems apart from tonight. But with the Alpha male out of the picture, he knew it would be easy to deal with the wife and daughter. Him and his bozo partner closed the hood of their car and got inside. They all knew their rendezvous so they got back onto the highway and sped off.

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In the meantime, the other two jocks got into Edward’s car. They left him lying there on the roadside because they knew not many vehicles used that highway. They drove off and took Liv and Mitch to some dark shack with only a lamp for lighting.

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They took turns raping them while chocking them because that’s what almost every sadistic and masochistic man craved for. Dominance! Right? But rape was not enough for Reggie’s type. They fed on the pain and humiliation they caused their victims. Hell they even fed on death. Ever heard of Necrophilia’s? Ever thought they were just a myth? Well, they are not because you just had a chance to meet Reggie. He stuck a wine bottle inside Mitch’s vagina till it broke. And even after it broke, he still kept pushing it inside her till she was bleeding.

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“How do you like that little missy? I bet your dad would be so proud of you if he were here right now.”

“Pl—llll—eease. I’m so sorry. Stop hurting…..” she never got the chance to complete her plea since she blacked out. That did not stop Reggie from having his fun. He broke all her fingers, one by one. Gorged her eyes out and raped her some more. Mitch was already dead and Pallor Mortis was slowly starting to kick in. In case you were wondering where Liv was all this time, one of the jocks had already put a knife through her neck and punctured a major artery. He also stabbed her vagina repeatedly and cut out her tongue. I know you might be wondering what would cause a man to be so evil….

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Iris decided to take a break from reading Edward’s manuscript. It was so sad she had been reading it for the last four hours but she was still craving for more. How could anyone go through all that pain and where was Edward when his family was getting tortured? She went to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water and went back to bed to continue reading. She missed Edward and she regretted not having supported him when he shared his interests in writing with her. She noticed he had attached a phone number and email address on the manuscript so she decided to reach out to him. It was too late to call so email would have to do.

“Dear Edward, I’ve been reading the manuscript you sent me. I love the title, ‘Nocturnal Animals’. I see you have not forgotten about my Insomnia. Anyway, if it’s okay with you, I’d like us to meet. Saturday evening okay with you? Let me know.

With love, Iris.”

She hit the send button and went back to reading the manuscript.

Edward managed to walk from where he had been left alone bleeding by the rednecks that had kidnapped his wife and daughter. He was in so much pain but also he was determined on finding them. He had walked for almost ten hours when he came across a Motel. At first, the owner of the motel was skeptical about him but he still allowed him to use the phone to contact the Sheriff’s department. He cleaned up and headed to the Sheriff to report the incident. The Sheriff put out a BOLO – Be On (the) Look Out on Edward’s family and his car. He went to the motel and stayed there for three days waiting for feedback on his family. They wouldn’t just have disappeared without a trace.

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Just when he was about to give up, he received a call from the Sheriff requesting for a meet up in order for him to identify two female bodies that had been found in some shack. Edward accompanied the Sheriff but with the hope that it was not Liv and Mitch. When they got to the SOC or what is better known as the (Scene Of Crime), Edward stood still at the entrance of the shack. Outside, his car had alraedy been set on fire of course to get rid of fingerprint evidence. His feet wouldn’t move and he had so many questions but his mouth wouldn’t open. It was his wife and daughter alright, he could tell from their hair colours. Their bodies had been washed and staged,  also probably to get rid of evidence. The word ‘whore’ and ‘slut’ had been curved on their foreheads with a blunt object.

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“I know this is so hard for you sir but kindly tell us if this is your wife and daughter.”

All he could do was nod. He couldn’t believe he had lost his family so easily and it was all his fault for stopping on the roadside that night. He knew staying in that town was hopeless because he couldn’t even identify the men from that night. It was dark and he had not seen their faces clearly and they had never called each other by their names.

After hours of being grilled by the Sheriff, Edward left Accident, the town where it all happened the following morning. Funny name for a town don’t you think? He felt numb and dead inside and he kept seeing images of his family, naked and posed on that bench.

Iris checked her email and saw that Edward had written back to her.

“Sure. I’d love to meet. Text me when and where.

Edward.”

She couldn’t believe her luck. She was finally going to meet her first love in a few days.

Let’s go back to the divorce between Iris and Edward. The reason Iris had ended her marriage to Edward was because she had forgotten to take the Pill and had gotten herself pregnant. She wasn’t ready for motherhood so she had gone ahead and aborted the baby and left him without even an explanation.

Back to reality …

Edward was torn up inside by the anger and sadness of having lost the only two things in life that gave him a purpose to live. He couldn’t live like this anymore. But since he had never received any further information from the sheriff, he concluded it was because the perpetrators were never caught. Earlier that day, he had purchased a long, thick rope from the supermarket. It was time he ended his pain and misery.  He took out a passport size photo of his family from his wallet and stared at it for long as tears streamed down his face. He tied a tight knot on the rope and put it around his neck.

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“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you….”

Those were his last words as the rope tightened around his neck and he breathed his last.

Help by Papa Roach comes to mind.

“I think I need help,

I’m drowning in myself,

Did someone turn the lights out?

Or is it just another dark cloud in my head?

Cause I’m cut deep, my heart won’t beat,

Deep down low it’s killing me,

If I wanna scratch out yesterday,

I’ve got so much I need to say

(I’ve got so much I need to say) ………..

Saturday came and even thou Iris was nervous, she was having mixed feelings too. How would it feel seeing Edward after twenty years? Would he still be angry at her? Would he be happy to see her again? She wore a long green dress that revealed her cleavage. She put on green diamond earrings that Edward had bought for her when they were still dating. She looked at herself for the last time in the mirror and walked out of her bedroom. Before leaving, she put the manuscript in a folder and walked out into the waiting car. She had so many questions to ask Edward on how the story ended.

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When she got to Riverdale, the best restaurant in her town, she requested to reserve a table for two. She ordered wine as she waited for Edward to arrive. Forty-five minutes down the line she started to get impatient. She decided to dial the phone number he had listed on his manuscript only to be told that the number was no longer in service. What???

One hour, two hours, three hours. Everyone else in the hotel had already left. She was the only one remaining, looking like some desperate woman who got stood up by her date. She tried calling the number again, just to be sure she had dialled it correctly the first time. But she got the same response that the number was no longer in service. He had replied her email so he was still planning to meet her right?

Edward never showed up that night to meet up with Iris. She went back home with the manuscript feeling like a fool but also curious on how he would list a number that no longer worked. Had he changed his mind on seeing her the last minute?

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If Edward had never disconnected his number, he would have received the dozen calls the Sheriff had tried making to him to let him know that the jocks that had cost his wife and daughter’s lives had already been caught and sentenced to death. But Edward was long gone and he would never know all that. Would it have made any difference after all? They say it helps to get closure but it does not bring back to life those we have lost along the way.

Edward’s body was also never found. After all, they were Nocturnal Animals indeed…

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Bleeding Heart Still Pounds.

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Just the other day, the world celebrated Mother’s day. It’s on this day that people send heart-warming messages to their mothers. For others it’s an emotional day since they remember their mothers who have already left this world. What is it that they say? Gone but never will be forgotten? A mother is supposed to be the most important piece in someone’s life, especially if she’s the only closest thing to love that you got. But what do you do or what can you do if your mother just goes rogue on you one day?

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He was only ten years old when it all began. It started with the innocent soft touches, and then came the late night visits and romantic carressing. It was not until the sex that he finally realized that he had lost his mother to the dark side with no return.

It was almost bedtime. He was only allowed to go and sleep after finishing his homework and brushing his teeth.

“Good night mum. ” He said to his mother as he quickly placed a kiss on her cheek.

“Good night son. Don’t forget, mama loves you.” She said as she watched her son go upstairs to his room.

 

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Sometime at night, he woke up to the sound of his bedroom door opening slowly. He rubbed his eyes sleepily to focus clearly on what had made the creaking sound.

“Mom, is that you? Why are you…?”

He never got a chance to finish his question when he realized that his mother had just walked into his room, stark naked. He couldn’t help think that she looked like an Angel standing there with the corridor light shining brightly behind her.

“Shhhh…!” She said softly. “Don’t be scared son. Mama just felt lonely and thought she’d check up on you.”

“But why don’t you have any clothes on Ma?” He asked innocently.

 

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She let go off the door knob and walked slowly towards his bed. He was just ten years old but definitely not blind. He had a feeling what his mother had in mind but how could she? She was a single mother but still his mother. He was now sitting upright on the bed as his mother sat on the edge of his bed stroking his cheek softly. She took his tiny hands and placed them on her breasts. He wanted to fight it or just pull away from her but she held on tightly. She moved his hands all around her breasts and started moaning to the feel of his touch. The smile on her face made him realize she was enjoying every bit of it as she made those sounds he couldn’t quite comprehend. 

All that he could think of was why this was happening. Why was his mother suddenly making him do things to her… Why him???

After what felt like an entirety, she made a very scary sound. It was as if she was screaming and crying at the same time, but she still had that smirk or rather evil grin on her face. At some point she even held her breath, licked her lips then let it out slowly.

 

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Without saying a word, she got up and left. Shutting the door and leaving him in the dark with his young, in-comprehensive thoughts. There were no possible words to explain what had just happened. He tried going back to sleep but the images in his head would not let him. He wet his bed for the first juncture that night and for the next nights in many a Moon.

Morning came, and his mother got him ready for school as she did every other morning. It was as if nothing had happened. She never brought it up, so he never mentioned it either. That day he had a hard instances concentrating in his classes. He basically had no friends to share with his ordeal. He dreaded going home but where else could he go.

He wished he had someone he could open up to in school but unfortunately he had nobody. Even his Demons and imaginary friends couldn’t save him this tempo. Classes ended and he knew his mother would come pick him up as was the routine. But he intentionally rode the bus to avoid their awkward journey back home. He knew his mother was gonna be pissed at him but there was no going back.

He got home, did his chores, and finished his homework. He was almost through when he heard his mother park the car at the drive way. He didn’t know whether to go hide in his room or just wait to face her. He knew he couldn’t hide forever so he just dug his head deeper into his work. She got in and walked straight to the kitchen and emptied the groceries into the fridge.

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“Why did you ride the bus instead of waiting for me to pick you up?” She asked him.

There it was. The question he had been dreading since he got home. He looked up at his mum with tears threatening to pour from his eyes. He was surprised that she was not angry at him. There was that same smile from last night.

“I just wanted to ride with my friends today for a change.” He replied with a voice close to a whisper.

“Friends? What friends?” She asked as she moved closer to where he was sat on the floor.
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He was ready to receive a blow across his face, or worse, but instead she held out her hand to him. He hesitated but slipped his tiny hand into hers. After all, she was still his mother. She guided him upstairs and already he could feel his heart beating so loud when he remembered what had gone down yesterday.

“I’m not done with my homework yet mum. Where are we going?” He asked her.

“You’ll see. I wanna show you what a mother should do to her son for keeping her waiting and making her look bad in front of his schoolmates.”
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This time around, they went to her bedroom. She locked the door and started undressing.

“I want you to make mama proud today… Take off your clothes and do naughty stuff to me.”

“But mum. I don’t want to. Please don’t make me…” 

She cut him short by placing a kiss on his lips. This was wrong, it was very wrong.

His mother unzipped his trousers and whipped out his dinky. She held it in her hands like someone who had done it a thousand times before. He could feel himself getting a boner even though he didn’t want to. This kind of thing had never happened to him before. His mother took a scarf from a drawer and blindfolded him. He thought it was because she couldn’t stand looking at him but in the real sense, she was just spicing up her act.
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She lied down on the bed and then put his ‘dinky’ into her mouth. At first he was scared but then he felt good after. He knew it was wrong to feel good but he couldn’t control the mixed up emotions going on in his head. She then guided his mouth so that he could suck on her tits, which he did. He was feeling all good now but the silent voice in his head wanted him to be stronger than a few minutes of pleasure.

Fast forward to four years later, and the abuse was still going on. He even moved in to his mother’s bedroom so that they’d share a bed each night. The only problem was that despite this relationship, he still wanted to have sexual relationship with other girls. But the problem was, every time he tried to approach a girl in a sexual manner, all he could think of was his mother. And the girls would make fun of him and calling names telling him he was not man enough because his dinky never got aroused as it should.
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He came back home from school one day to find a car he did not recognize parked outside their home. His mother’s car was at the drive way too so he knew she had to be at home. 

Even before he could open the door, he could hear voices in the house. His mother sounded happy and he was curious to know who was in the house with her. He opened the door slowly just to find his mother lying on the floor naked with some guy he had never seen before. Her and the strange guy were both naked. It didn’t need rocket science to figure out what was happening. His mother was tired of him and was already replacing him. He was jaundiced eye till he couldn’t find his voice. Without uttering a word to them, he ran upstairs to his room and locked the door. He put on loud music to shut out his mother’s loud moaning and giggling.
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“What a slut,” he thought. “All this time he was having a dysfunctional teenage life because of her and now all of a sudden he had gotten tired of her.”

The covetousness in him made him feel like he was a Moth dancing over a flame. He felt like he could kill her just to stop her from laughing.
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His mother came into his room after a few hours looking as if nothing had happened. 

“It was time to put a stop to this.” He thought aloud.

He stood before his mum said a word and gave her a very tight hug. Then he whispered to her ear,

“I’m from the South, so the most insulting thing I can say is ‘Bless your Heart’ (which loosely translates to, ‘a pox upon you and your house, you ignorant swine’).”

 

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He pushed her with all his strength and down the stairs she went. She fell down the stairs, her limbs tumbling over one another, twisting and hitting against the rise and runs of the stairs. Her head tossed around like a single grape in a shaken bowl. She had a look of shock, fear and pain on her face as she fell so fast, all you could see was a blur of arms and legs.

Not until she was at the foot of the stairs and bleeding that he realized what he had done. He rushed back to his room, and threw a few clothes inside a duffel bag and out in the dark he was gone and he never looked back. He is out there somewhere in the world. Lonely, disturbed and lost. Maybe someday he’ll come back to the light. . . Just maybe.

 

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A Future Shrouded In Dark Wilderness.§

She stood at her bedroom window staring at the Full Moon. “It was beautiful,as always.” She thought to herself.

It had been raining for the past few weeks. She loved the sound of the rain as it hit the tin roof of their little home at night. It had a musical sound, it always made her feel at peace. It was raining again tonight, and she was looking out the window to know if he had already arrived. For sure car was parked a few metres from their house so as not to draw attention to itself or the owner. If anyone had noticed that a very expensive car was parked near their home, no one had bothered to ask.

The owner of that car, she never knew his name. But she could tell he was one of those people with a place in the society. Those people who spoke through money. Every other night, he came over to her home and had his way with her. This had been going on for the last six years. So far, she had not found a way out but she still hoped. 
Backtrack to the origin of this sad story. 

She always tried to forget her childhood which was no way different from the life she lived right now at seventeen. Before her father passed on, thank the Spirits for that, or should we say before she killed him? He was an Alky who would beat up her mum whenever he found she had not cooked his food yet. Then he would pretend to be fast asleep on the small worn out sofa and wait on her mother to go to bed. He would later on slip into her room silently, undress her and rape her over and over again and again till he had enough. At times when she had the courage to fight him off, he would in return stick his fingers inside her mouth and choke her. And her pain would give him pleasure and he would force her to lick off his cum. She cried herself to sleep each night praying to a God she didn’t believe in. She always wondered if her mother never heard a thing or she just chose to ignore and let it happen. 

She had no siblings or friends that she would open up to her about her ordeals. One day when she decided she had had enough, she waited till her father had slept on the sofa as usual after her mum had gone to sleep. She pretended to be asleep when her father slowly opened her bedroom door. She told her father that she had read an article sometime back about a good way to give him pleasure. He bought her lie and he let her do things to him. First, she tied his hands and legs with a schifon scarf to the bed posts. Then she blindfolded him using her headscarf . He was already hard and aticipating to get inside her. She removed the pillow under his head and told him that it was more fun that way. She took the pillow and covered his face with it. At first he was shocked, then he realized what she was doing. But the minute he started kicking, the tighter the schifon scarves she had tied his legs and hands got. She held on to the pillow and continued to pin it down to his head. She summoned all the strength that her Demons could suffice. He was strong but she had the will. The struggle continued for a few more minutes then he stopped kicking. She loosened her grip around the pillow but did not remove it just in case he had just blacked out. He listened for a heart beat but felt none. 

“Ditto!! It’s done you filthy SOB. You can no longer hurt me from your Grave.” She said to herself. 

She contemplated going to tell her mother but what would she say? She was not strong enough to carry her father back to the sofa so she put back the pillow under his head, untied his hands and feet, removed the blindfold and rolled him over to sleep on his side. She took a blanket and slept on the floor. She hoped when her mother woke up in the morning she would not have to explain what happened. 

Morning came and her mother knocked on her bedroom door to wake her up. She didn’t look surprised to see her husband sleeping on her daughter’s bed. Instead, she walked over to him to try and wake him up but he did not bulge. A few more efforts but still. When she realized he was gone, she didn’t even mourn him.

Months later after her father had been buried and forgotten, that’s when the rich guy started coming over to their home. At first, she thought he was just another guy that her mother wanted to get married to so as to replace her dead husband. He would have whispered conversations with her in the sitting room then leave after a few minutes.

So this one night, she’s in her bedroom listening to “End Of Me” by Alter Bridge. The same guy walks into her room and the reality of his visits hit her hard. She felt a quick tic of fear go through her body. He motioned to her to undress and she knew that this was a repeat of her father’s deeds only that this huge man standing in front of her was not her father. She knew this would stink like a Mackerel in the Sunshine, and it sure did. She wondered when she would ever catch a break from life. It felt like her father had found a way to collude with Karma the bitch and punish her from his Grave. The huge man who had a white streak in his hair that made him look like a Skunk. He even smelt like one.

He made her do things that her father had not made her do, but it made no difference. Rape was rape whichever way you chose to look at it. She wondered why her mother let it happen to her. What kind of a mother would wish such a dark-broken life for her daughter? The rich man had a feathery whip that he used to stuff in his coat pocket and whenever he felt she was not complying, he would whip her till she bled. And the sight of her blood made him groan all the more and push himself inside her faster. 

“The pain would last forever, and the wounds would never heal.” She thought. 

She still had nightmares of what her father had made her go through, and now these. She wished to die fast but death was not her friend. She had even entertained thoughts of killing him like she had her father but she knew this man was way stronger than she was. 
Back to the present happenings…

As she looked out her window and saw the car’s lights go out, she quickly undressed. Walked across the bed and opened her bedroom window that faced towards the back side of the house. That way, he would not see her leave the house. She knew he would first have a talk with her mother which she had discovered they used to discuss the amount of money she was to get from the services her daughter offered to the rich man. Their talk would buy her time. 

She walked out into the freezing night with the heavy rain drops hitting her face and head hard. There was a river a few metres away that had now swell due to the heavy rains. She could now see the river shinning under the moon. She hurried her steps and when she got there, she took one last look at the life she was leaving behind. She reflected at the pain and misery she had endured for years. She felt tears fall freely from her face but never bothered to wipe them off. The rain washed them away for her. She felt so much hatred towards her mother. She wished things had turned out different but she also knew it was no good wishing now.

 She thought of one of her favourite songs Drown by Bring Me The Horizon and she related to it.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead. 

Got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper. 

And I can’t take one more moment of this silence. 

The loneliness is haunting me. 

And the weight of the world’s getting harder to hold up…”

She was already shivering from the cold. She got her feet inside the river and she was quickly carried away by the current flowing fast beneath her feet. She hit her head on a huge rock ahead but she did not feel pain at first. Just free, but still hollow. She was dead in a few minutes. If they ever found her body, they would conclude she died of Hypothermia and bleeding out from the head injury. But if she got lucky, her body would be eaten by something in the water and it would be the end of her. For sure, the rain hides anything...

Halloween Is Life: Witch Of West End. ↭🎃👻🍦🍭🍬🍫

Witches cackle.

Goblins growl.

Spectres boo.

Werewolves howl.

Black cats hiss.

Bats flap their wings.

Mummies moan.

The cold wind sings.

Ogre’s roar.

And Crows, they caw.

Vampires bahahahaha.

Warlocks swish their moonlit capes.

Loch Ness monsters churn the lake.

Skeletons, they rattle bones.

While graveyards crack the old headstones.

All the while the ghouls, they cry.

To trick-or-treaters passing by.

Oh, the noise on Halloween;

It makes me want to scream!

― Richelle E. Goodrich, Slaying Dragons.


A Black Hole With A Cover Of A Heart.‡

It’s three a.m and all I can do is stare at this ceiling,

Overcome by all these overwhelming feelings,

Confused and apathetic, I have no way out of these cuffs,

The cuffs I’m bound in, the ones my mind locks me up with,

The thoughts that keep me awake every other cold night,

The nightmares and voices on the walls that won’t let me sleep,

A prisoner of my own self, my mind has a mind of its own,

It is out of my control and I’m bound with apathy,

I can’t stop it from drifting to you cos this is where it loves,

My heart beats to your rhythm, this is where it wants to stay,

Desperately calling out in muffled screams, but do you hear me?

Are you there my beautiful dark soul?

Look back to me one last time,

Turn your back and see I’m right here,

Where you left me with the memories of you,

The sun scorches my skin but I still freeze without you,

The room is filled with people but I still stand alone,

My facade of masks is the only thing that keeps me going,

It’s so loud outside but all I hear is your warm laugh,

All I feel is your breath on my skin when we embrace in a windstorm,

Clench my whisper from the wind before its stolen away,

Listen to the words of my Heart beating, of my Soul bleeding,

I’m waiting for you in the sunset, hoping you’ll stay forever this time

I really do sense there is something in the wind…

Beautiful Tragedy!

It wasn’t always like this. There were times when everything was so okay, she just ended up thinking it was too good to be true. Other days everything was a mess, a disarray. And she was okay with that because its what she was used to.

Today was one of those days. She was awake early, earlier than usual. She kept thinking she had so much to do and so little time to get everything done. So where to start…….. She pondered as she arranged her thoughts in her ever disorganized mind. She had already made plans for today but the bits didn’t fit the puzzle nontheless. She started off with ironing her favourite Blue blouse. She was gonna do Blue today because Blue represents cool, tranquility they say? 

As she ironed her blouse, she got carried away for just a second. She was listening to, “So Far Away by Staind” playing on her phone.

Now that we’re here, it’s so far away. All the struggle we thought was in vain. All the mistakes, one life contained. They all finally start to go away. Now that we’re here its so far away. And I feel like I can face the day I can forgive. And i’m not ashamed to be the person that i am today.” 

In that one second, loads of damage had already been done. She accidentally burnt a hole in her blouse with the iron box. She cussed till she ran out of cuss words. She would just have to worry about that later, she really was in a rush. Another hour gone and she was running late, or so she thought. Quickly she picked another blouse and started  to iron it. She almost burnt this one too but a flicker in the electricity saved her in the nick of time. She dressed up hurriedly, and with one last look in the mirror, she was out. If Karma was the reason the rest of the shit had happened to her, then Karma could go ahead and eat a dick.



She was out of the house and as she took long strides to the bus stop, she kept hearing whispers all over.

“You look so beautiful.”

Another called out, “You look so smart.”

She called out her thank you’s without taking a look at the faces that were complimenting her. Pride? No. Did she mean them? Maybe. Or maybe it was just the rush she was in. But she couldn’t help think that this was a good sign. It meant her day wouldn’t suck after all.

She got into a bus, sat by the window with her earphones on.

I Won’t Give In by Asking Alexandria” was playing. 

She sang along to the tune in her head. Took out the novel that she’d been trying to finish all week. After fourty minutes or so she arrived at her destination. (name withheld). 

She was just about to cross the road when a speeding car honked ever so loudly at her. It freaked her out but she didn’t heed it much. Another sign of bad luck? Maybe. Left, right, coast clear and she crossed. She called the person she was supposed to be meeting up with. Then she remembered, always late, she cussed again.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” he said.

“That’s what you said the last time and they ended up been more than five minutes,” she called back at him.

“I’m almost there. Just wait.”

She hang up and waited. Obviously five minutes turned out to be ten as always. She was almost mad but she couldn’t ruin the day by starting off with a fight or argument. He finally showed up and they left for his place. 

Everything Changes by Staind” played on her earphones as they walked.

She couldn’t help notice all the glances she kept receiving from guys just passing by them. 

As if reading her mind he said,

“It’s the outfit. We don’t get much of that around here!”

With a smile she was now sure the day would be perfect. They got to his place and she took this as the opportunity to finish up the novel. Just a few more chapters………. He didn’t seem to mind so she would only put the book down if he asked to.

What If I Was Nothing by All That Remains” was playing. It was actually on replay. He loved the song and she had started taking a liking to it too. She finished her novel and felt like she always felt after finishing a book that was derailing her. Free.



He sat beside her to watch some movie. Hannibal …….. She couldn’t recall the whole title. Twenty minutes or so into the movie, they both realized it was way too boring. It was nothing close to what a Hannibal movie should be like. He started to get closer and it was always the beginning of a lot of sex games. This always happened, no matter how many times they both said that it would be the last time. Some people are just made that way, they are each other’s miseries and just destroy each other slowly all in the name of love, or lust maybe, take a pick.




She always let it happen because it was fun to play games. And also when it becomes a habit to be used by people, you start getting comfortable with the idea. You get a hang of it, you lie to yourself that your skin is thick enough and you can no longer feel any pain.



Today however, was different. 

“Have you watched Blue Is The Warmest colour?” He asked her breaking into her reverie.

No. Is it worth it? Sounds boring!” She said.

“It’s just some long movie running for three hours in French.”

“Sure, why not?”

So half way to the movie, she fell asleep. She barely realized it but it didn’t worry her because she could feel his warmth beside her.




She was awoken by his warm heavy breath on her neck. This turned her on. They were back to their little games again. At times it ended well, but most of the time it was like she was just a vessel that needed filling up. Or a Puppet that could be manipulated easily. She obviously hadn’t planned for this part of the day but she had learnt her lesson with all those pricks that had used her as a rag to clean after their shit. 

“Let it happen, fakes smiles, go with the flow. As long as it ends and you make it out alive.”



A little teasing here and there, she actually enjoyed all that. She liked it when he was smiling even though it was at her expense. He was all over her and she let him inside her and she was surprised at how it didn’t hurt. But somewhere along the way, she just didn’t want to be there with him anymore. She imagined of all the times he had promised her it would be okay. 

Today would turn out to be different.



He noticed the sadness in her eyes and he asked her if she was alright. She had also learnt they got mad if you said you weren’t. So she smiled and said she was. And he went on. Harder. More rough. By now, tears were stinging her eyes and she felt like she was suffocating on the inside. 

She couldn’t cry, not today. Too late……… The tears freely streamed down her face. Even then, she still put on her merry face and tried so hard to smile. But the tears won the fight. He cared because she could feel how firmly thou softly his hands held her face. He soothed her the best way he knew. But she just kept looking down. Whether in shame or just sadness she didn’t know. She started playing with a ring that he had given her as a present. I presume one of those promise rings friends souve each other. She placed it on the bed and it was that moment that she knew it was over. She was never coming back. She just couldn’t.



She got dressed ready to leave. He just stared at her without uttering a single word. She had a lot to say but what would be the use? This was the last time she was gonna see him anyway. But like the gentleman he was, he escorted her to the bus stop. Not enough time to say their goodbyes when a car to get her home pulled over. She quickly got in, without even a hug. Karma was right, the day was ending badly. She looked outside the window to get a glimpse of him but the car was already speeding and she held on to prevent her from swaying. She quickly sent him a message to let him know it was goodbye for good. He replied the way he always did everytime she threatened to leave. 

“I will always be here and I will always find you. I will never forget you.”

“Black Rose by Trapt,” came to mind.

“I’m not the one who hurt you. So why are you so scared. (I couldn’t save you) (You are who you are). All that youve been put through couldnt be repaired. (I couldnt break through). (Were too far apart). Im not the one who hurt, Im the only one who cares. (I couldnt save you). (You are who you are).  Youll need someone to turn to. And I will not be there………….”

Sad how that felt. It cut through her like a thousand knives. Maybe she would go back after a while and set things right. Who’s to say he was the one at fault.

Meanwhile, she alighted the speeding car and she was relieved she was almost home. Almost. Maybe tomorrow would be better. She walked a short distance for about ten minutes or so to get into another car to get her home. 

She was deep in thought and freezing cold she entered the first car she spotted. She was feeling weird and lost though when she finally realized what was causing it. She had entered the wrong car and had no clue where its destination was. Terrified she texted him again, to let him know she was lost and not sure what to do next. She alighted in the middle of nowhere. No street lights, no more cars to save her sorry ass. He actually replied to let her know not to panic. And to stay safe……. he really did cared after all.

She stood at a Pertrol Station for close to thirty minutes. It was safe there at least. Out of the blue a stranger offered to give her a ride. She hesitated at first but still got in after. What’s the worst that could happen? She kept asking herself. The stranger driver seemed harmless. He was not asking her personal questions or anything. She alighted after a couple of minutes. She thanked him and walked away. She looked back to see if he was following her. But the car was not in sight anymore so she was safe. She crossed the road and finally got into a car that would now get her home. She cleared her mind so she couldn’t accidentally enter into the wrong car again. It was late and everyone was in a rush to head home. The driver too was speeding so that he could get home early and head out early the following morning. She was so tired, and so hungry too. She closed her eyes just for a minute with the hope that she wouldn’t fall asleep. 

“Over And Over by Three Days Grace.” She couldn’t get that song out of her mind. It was the last song he had played before she left. Coincidence?

She heard the car hit something and all of a sudden it was rolling down, fast. She thought she was dreaming so she opened her eyes just to find the speeding driver had tried going over a bump too fast and the car was now falling over a bridge. 

She panicked and tried breathing slowly but she couldn’t concentrate on her breaths with all the screaming coming from her fellow passengers. Her handbag was still clutched tightly in her hands. Her fingers were numb and all the blood had gone from them. She felt guilty for lashing out earlier. She now knew that she would never see him again, forever. She would never text him again. 

If luck was on her side, he would end up thinking she was intentionally ignoring his texts. He couldn’t handle her death so this was better, she consoled herself. He who had showed her places she had never been. Places like Emotion and High and Elation. And other places like Herself, Free and Aware. Despite how tonight ended, she would forever be grateful to him for that. The car finally plunged into the cold black water. All she could think of was when the TITANIC was sinking. Was it going to end the same way for her? She would have wanted to hold her breath but she had a bad case of Aquaphobia and just couldn’t master the strength to do it. She couldn’t swim either, so this was how it really ended.

Goodbye life, goodbye Darkness.

She let herself go and her lifeless body just lay there, frozen and dirty. Floating amongst the rest of the corpses. She didn’t know if there were any survivors. Didn’t want to know because she had already breathed her last. Her numb fingers slowly let go of her handbag. Death quickly hugged her into its tight hold. 

“Heaven’s waiting for you. Just close your eyes and say goodbye. Hearing your pulse go on and on and on…

I live my life in misery. I’d sacrifice this world to hold you. No breath left inside of me. Shattered glass keeps falling……. Say Goodnight by Bullet For My Valentine.” The song was faintly playing at a distance. 

If he knew this was how she had died, he would have wanted to die too and join her. And get buried together with a perfect statue to end it all. He would have sang, “So Far Away by Avenged Sevenfold” in memory of her. He was her Beautiful Tragedy.